the worst restaurant in japan

i had the unfortunate luck of going to the worst restaurant in japan a couple of weeks ago.  it was billed as a pasta restaurant.  it is in nagoya, between gokiso and fukiage. 

as pasta restaurants go, most japanese italian food would send most italians into a fusilli twirl.  italian food in japan is unique.  most people outside japan don't expect cod roe to top their pasta; nor rice cakes to top their pizza. 

at least that is inventive.  the pasta restaurant we went to had 3 things on the menu.  tuna and bacon spaghetti, bacon and mushroom spaghetti and tuna and mushroom spaghetti.  before i go on, i have to explain the decor.  it was a medium sized restaurant with a bar.  it could probably fit 25 customers in it.  the problem was, the tables weren't in use.  everyone had to sit at the bar.  this meant that while there were only 4 people in the restaurant, we had to wait 15 minutes in a near empty restaurant to wait to be seated.  also the place was dark, only about 3 light bulbs were being used. 

also, as a kind of joke, while we were waiting, he (the owner and sole staff member) gave us a magazine about pasta to show us how restaurants should look and how pasta should be prepared.  as our turn approached, we sat at the bar. 

first we were told to pay first.  then he served us ice coffee.  he put a small jug of corn syrup and milk in front of us.  then he took away the milk and corn syrup, without asking us, and put it back in the fridge.  then he cooked and served us bland tasteless pasta in watery flavourless sauce.  i would have preferred a can of baked beans in my pasta.  i ordered mushroom and tuna.  the tuna was from a can, and it looked like he only used on teaspoon of dried tuna flakes.  the mushrooms were hard and they were undercooked.  the sauce was like he mixed a tin of chopped tomatoes and cat's piss.  the chef/owner/waiter spent most of the time looking at the tv in the corner of the kitchen.  the baseball was on.

the seats were hard and wooden.  the naked lights glared at us.  the buzz of the tv surrounded everything.  if i could speak japanese, i'd ask him if he could really run a place like this and take it seriously.  i'd ask him if he can make a living and if people actually come back.  i'd also ask him to apologies to every customer he ever served his slop to.

 

what have i done
 
here are a few things
 
 
spa land
 
a few weeks ago, i went to nagashima spa land.  what images do these 2 words create?  for me it creates worlds of ocean pools and grassy landscapes, of wild deer and white doves flying free.  in fact it is a theme park in mie ken, about half an hours bus ride outside nagoya.
 
when i was young i used to love theme parks.  ive been to thorpe park, chessington, alton towers, disneyland la, universal studios la, the big shot and new york new york in las vegas and even rainbow's end in bognor.  nagashima spa land is a concrete plateau.  it has many new rides and many old rides; or many rides that look and feel old.  one of them was made of wood and it rocked and it went up and down and round and around.  it didnt rock like avril laviene rocks, it rocks like ramstein plugged into 15kg of hydrogen powered nuclear fusion.  i felt my brain smashing the side of my skull.  it was big and white, the wooden pole criss crossed each other like a solid spider web.  i also noticed that the cart was in no way attached to the rails.  i had to rely on physics to keep me alive.  i never failed physics; physics didnt fail me.  actually i did fail physics once, but they let me retake it.  thank god for the modular system.
 
 
swimming
 
i went swimming.  the pools in japan are warmer than the ones' in england.  it's a bit like swimming in piss; as someone put it.
 
 
films
 
i watched a load of movies.  i saw the day after tomorrow.  it was pretty good for the first 40 minutes, then everything stopped getting destroyed and it got a bit boring.  it could have had more action in it.  for example: how did the president die?  i also want to know how a paper fire can survive a massive drop in temperature that can freeze people alive.  a gust of wind can usually put those babies out.
 
i saw spiderman2.  i thought the first one was a bit shite; so i was pleasantly surprised with this one.  sam rami; you did good.  the action was much meatier and exciting, the drama was just as kitchen sink, but far more engaging.  everyone was great from the main players such as peter, MJ, doc oct down to aunt may and that rich kid with the blonde curly hair.  i do have one question though:  how does a ball of fusion energy that has the power to destroy half of new york city get "drowned" by a few gallons of water?  and surely, as every school boy knows, magnets work under water, so why did the magnetic field disappear after the mini sun fell into the hudson?  can anyone tell me?
 
the local video store; which is actually a chain all across japan called geos, had a special last week.  each video was 50p for a week.  i got easy rider, 12 angry men, dog day afternoon and kramer vs kramer.  i didnt see kramer vs kramer cos i didnt have enough time.  i loved the other 3 movies.  i thought easy rider would be a sad cliche by now.  ive seen enough student posters of jack smiling on peter's bike and know about the drugs and the ending, but it still amazed me.  it is a time piece and timeless.  peter fonda is a beautiful man.  dennis is what every other person should be like.  the soundtrack has 2 dylan songs on it.  beautiful man.  the other 2 movies were directed by the same person.  i didnt know that.  al dances all over dog day afternoon.  when he is talking to the cop, and only his fingers are in view, he eats up the screen with only his hand in view.  it is amazing to watch.  12 angry men was so good, it watched it twice in a row.  it is a lean, tough movie.  everything about it is sweaty, hard and real.  the part when everyone walks away from ed begly as he rants is welling.
 
 
books
 
i read think and grow rich by napoleon hill.  it is a philosophy on how to become rich or gain riches as he says.  like most philosophy; some of it is bunk, other parts are enlightening.
 
 
sumo
 
i went to the sumo basho in nagoya.  as every harry, dick and tom knows, sumo is were 2 fat guys get in the ring and try to push each other out.  the yokozuna is a 23 year old from mongolia called asashoryu.  watching sumo is a good laugh.  the atmosphere is fun and friendly between the bouts and drips with anticipation before it.  the wrestlers often face off 3 or 4 times before fighting.  they go to the middle; stare; cock a leg; go back to their corner, go to the middle; stare; cock a leg...
 
the sight of sumo is always a bit comical.  during the basho probably 50 fights are fought.  the bouts only last a few seconds, so the turnover is furious.  this of course keeps the excitement up and there is hardly ever a long drawn out scoreless draw.  these fighters crash and smash into each other.  another thing about watching so many fights is that you start respecting the wrestlers.  you see that they actually do have power and grace.  there is an art and poise to it.  it becomes less comical and more interesting. 
 
the day i went asachoryu lost his first bout after a 9 fight winning streak.  the crowd went wild and threw their cushions into the ring.  it was wonderful: the arena raining with purple pillows.