no tenacity for life

i woke up early today: it was my day off and there were so many things i wanted to do. the only thing standing in the way was a load of dirty clothes. i jumped out of bed at the sound of my alarm; whipped the kettle on, got breakfast ready (some bread thing with a maple syrup filling) and switched on the tv. soon the water was boiling and i got out a tea bag and made a cup of tea. the sun was shining, weather was great.

i ate breakfast and drank my tea and it all began to go down hill. i sat and watched some morning tv. in the studio was a bunch of 10 year old girls doing a cheerleader routine. the presenters of the show tried to copy the routine. they failed. i sat and watched. the sun was making me warm. i thought: ok, do the laundry and the rest of the day will be free. i just have to get up and do the laundry. i sat and continued to watch tv as the light rays poured into my cosy room.

i thought i'd just close my eyes for a second, can do the laundry in a minute. just close my eyes for a second. then the force of it slammed me and held me tight. i couldn't move. sleep was invading me and i could not move. my brain was signaling, flashing lights, blasting sirens, but to no avail. with the tv still on i was going to fall asleep.

just before i lost conscience i considered how in some films, when someone is dying, someone from their bedside always shouts: don't give up on me! you've always been a fighter! you've never quit your whole life, don't start now! i thought how if someone said that to me now, i'd just shrug my shoulders. i'd want to shout: you're wrong! you don't know anything about me! but of course i wouldn't cos that would take too much effort. I would then go very gently and willingly to that good night.

i woke up in the same position i fell asleep. the morning shows were finished and there was an old documentary on about growing tomatoes. i looked at my watch and had lost half the day. i moved slowly, like my limbs were caked in tar. my room was a mess. i dragged myself out of position and gathered all those dirty clothes. i reached up to the shelf and got the washing powder. i moped down the stairs with my laundry and scuffed my shoes all the way down to the washing machine on the bottom floor. i yawned as i began to fill the drum with clothes and put in the money to fill it with water. then i noticed i forgot something.

then i had an moment. to go or not to go. to get it or to leave it. i had to choose. i had to choose fast.

i looked at the drum and it was nearly filled with water. i had a 30 second window. my muscles awoke and my brain filled with good chemicals. i bounded up the stairs and ran to my room; grabbed it; jumped back down the stairs and looked at washing machine. the water had just reached the top. i threw it in and slammed the lid closed like how i imagine indiana jones would if he was in the same situation. i breathed in deep and exhaled deep. the cycle began and the machine span into life.

i took my basket and looked outside. it was still sunny and i had the rest of the day yet.