Why I Won't Be Watching the Piece of Shit that is the New Transformers Movie

I am the exact demographic that the new Transformers move, Revenge of the Fallen, should appeal to.

Sure, also new teenage boy fans, but also the guys that were brought up on Transformers, and had the original cast metal toys. The kids that would rub the mysterious black sticker that would reveal an Autobot or Decepticon sign, use the "infra-red" (in reality, red perspex) thingy to read the graph on the back of the box, and watch the series every Saturday morning.

I admit, I don't really remember much of the cartoon series, except where Optimus Prime and Megatron have this battle on a bridge (or was it dam?) and they have brightly coloured medieval weapons instead of hands (an axe and mace?), but I do remember the cartoon film.

Thinking back on the plot now, it was a real harsh and violent film. If you remember, in the first 10 minutes, all your old favourite Autobots die on the ship - Ironhide, Ratchet, Prowl, and Brawn. Then is an epic battle between heroic Autobot leader Optimus Prime (yay!) and arch enemy Metatron (boo!), resulting with the shock of Optimus Prime dying. IN THE FIRST 15 MINUTES OF THE FILM!!! (Can you imagine Michael Bay doing that? No. Bloody. Way.)

The rest of the film is a coming of age journey of sorts, ending with Ultra Magnus realising his place (not leader), Spike rescuing his dad, and Hot Rod blowing up Unicron and becoming the Rodimus Prime. Even the Decepticons go through a journey, with the machiavellian Starscream getting blown up by the reconstructed Galvatron, and even Galvatron realising that with all his new powers, he's enslaved to his creator, Unicron.

I probably last watched the animated Transformers film when I was at university, around nine years ago. I saw the first live action Transformers film in the cinema two years ago. And the crazy thing is, I can't remember the last 30 minutes of the live action movie.

Actually, thinking about it, I can't even remember the plot. Try it. Can you? The only thing I remember is some Transformers hiding around a house (and I only remember it because this "comedic" scene was played out to complete silence in the screening I was in) and something about something in a dam.

What happens in the end, I don't know. Who wins? I don't know.

Now, thinking about it, why would you want to watch a sequel to a film that has given you amnesia? What do you want to give money to filmmakers that have made a film, literally so forgettable, that you literally don't remember what happens? A movie experience that wipes your memory. Is it just me it's happen to? Surely not.

All reviews of the second live action Transformers film I have read are shit. Everyone I've spoken to that has seen it, said it was shit. And with the barrage of faeces coming from this dung pile of film, it still hits the top of the top of the UK box office. WHY??!

And those of you who knew it was going to be shit and watched it regardless: SHAME ON YOU! It's all your fault! Every ticket you buy is only going to encourage them to do it again. You knew it was going to be shit, why did you do it? Are you so weak you can't resist the posters, the tv trailers, and the Burger King tie-in?

I say, take a stand. No more watching films you know to be shit, and shit sequels. If one trusted friend says it's shit, then boycott straight away. Don't see for yourself, trust your friends. We must stop this cycle of shit. FREEDOM!!! (or should that be ENTERTAINMENT!!!).

(And relax... Here is a funny Transformers vid, to cleanse the palette:)