here comes the sun

all i have been hearing for the past few days is about the hammer gold medal being stripped from a guy called annus. all i could think of were the sun's puns into this doping scandal. OIC looking for missing annus. probe into annus. annus opens up and tells all. WORLD EXCLUSIVE: annus speaks to the sun. annus found in frankfurt.


dylan

those two dylan cds are FUCKING EXCELLENT.


earth moved

there were 2 earthquakes in nagoya yesterday. i know i've written about earthquakes before, but these were much bigger than before. i live on the 3rd floor if an old apartment block. when the quake hit, the whole room was shaking. it is almost impossible to describe how it feels when you are stuck in a shaking room, where the bed is walking across the wooden floorboards, the shelf with the tv on is rocking back and forth and the bathroom starts to creak and moan under the strain. everything is swaying, all your clothes you've hung up, the bottles of ketchup on the fridge, the very floor you are sitting on. the second one was slightly bigger than the first and managed to knock cds and cups off the shelves, smashing as they hit the ground. as the tremors approach, you can feel it slowly at first, and then it builds in intensity. a second lasts a minute. as things tremble they create a mismash of beats, like a thousand crazy drummers playing on your furniture. all the safety procedures run through your head. dive under a table, stand in a doorway, don't go outside until it is over, prepare 3 days of food and water... and then it slows to slight murmur and stops, although for you the ground still feels unsteady and you feel slightly nauseous from motion sickness. all that is left is fragments of ceramic and plastic to clean up, and the realisation that you are at the complete mercy of one of those things.

groups of men

i was walking home the other day; through the back street of nagoya. in these back street, the roads are quiet. the odd car occasionally creeps up and down. no children play. no people walk, except me. on this day though, there were other people in these deserted streets. it was a gang of young men is suits. they formed a semi circle around another man, a man in a grey suit, slightly older than the others. i tried not to look as i walked closer, but i couldn't help glancing. the older man was giving a mini speech or some instructions. all the other people bowed repeatedly and simultaneously after every command or sentence. he was like a general commanding his troops. i didn't see any guns, swords or severed heads.


gym

i try to go to the gym twice a week. sometimes a naked man will walk past me in the changing room. this happened again last week. it got me to thinking that homosexuals must have such a good time in changing rooms. it would be like a straight guy going into the girl's changing room.


cd

i bought 2 dylan cds today. world gone wrong and as good as i've been to you. the cd shop had a shit load of bootleg cds, right along side the official ones. i could have bought a recording of dylan's gig in atlanta last year.


war is peace

"Exhibitionism and self-pity are the bane of the novelist, and yet if he is too frightened of them his creative gift may suffer."

he also thinks uncle tom's cabin will outlive the collected works of virginina wolfe.

things i never hear in japan

oi oi!; spare any change?; big issue?; mines a pint please; did you split my pint?; what the fuck you looking at?!; got any ID?; she's well fit; are you on the pull tonight?; chilli sauce?; time gentlemen please.


one year

i have been in japan one year since the 20th aug. i don't feel any big reason to celebrate. let all that want to know, know: that i am doing my thing out here.


kids

i went to osu the other day. it is a popular place in nagoya. it has a big red temple and shops. something interesting happened when i went to take the subway back home. i was walking down the stairs to the platform. it was a long flight of stairs, maybe 30 steps. as i was walking down, i saw a father holding a baby. this father had bleach blonde hair, in a bouffant style. he was holding a baby, and his son was kicking him. his son was about 12 years old. the dad just took all these roundhouse kicks; not saying a word. then mum stepped in. you'd expect mum to pull the kid away, or have a stern work to make him stop. but instead mum lifts her pointy black stiletto into the kid's groin. the kid folds like a bad hand at caesar's palace. the mother smiles at the kid, and gives a "what have i done" kinda smiles. the kid is doubled over until the train comes.

all i can thing is when this kid becomes a serial killer, the parents will say: "we loved him so much" and all kinds of bullshit. they won't realise that they have created this monster: a monster that thinks kicking people is the right kind of discipline.

visa

i went to the immigration office today to extend my visa. the majority of foreigner in japan are from south america, south korea and china it seems. i queued up at two different desks, took two different tickets, got told i was at the wrong counter, queued at another counter, gave someone 50 quid for some revenue stamps, gave someone my passport, waited for my number and then got my passport back with a extension of stay stamp in it. it only took 2 and a half hours.


re reading

i re-read macbeth again. i don't know why, it was just necessary. the last time i read a book twice in a row was 2002. the book was norwegian wood by murikami haruki. it was even better the second time round; then and now.


olympics

the games have started. here are a few things i have read about the games so far: the torch bearing relay ceremony was started by hitler in 1936 as homage to imagined greek tradition. the 5 rings were also popularized by hitler too. the americans have a synchronized swimmer who will go to jail after the games for drink driving. there is also a sailor who has no balls. he overcame testicular cancer to compete in the games. he has to take steroid injections, but it's allowed in this case.


oil

i hear oil prices are at an all time high. i tried to imagine a world without oil. we would be right royally fucked. thank god for those dead dinosaurs.

back

wahay! kevin is back online! where's wally?


new skool

i have been transferred to a new school. my previous school was in tajimi, a small city famous for pottery and ceramics. my new school is in minato ward, which is famous for being the ward which nagoya port is in. it is in a shopping centre and i am the only teacher there. the air conditioning is turned too high and the teacher's room is freezing. i have to teach the same students sometimes 2 or 3 times in a row. i have to teach kids. kids are selfish, greedy, arrogant bastards. don't they know i could crush them like grapes? my big fists could crack their heads like eggs. all they do is run and run and run...


reading

just finished re-reading macbeth by shakespeare. i haven't read it since i was 14 during my GCSE exams. i've only just notice how dark and complex it actually it. macbeth: not such a bad guy. it's the power of suggestion. he can't help himself. he's like an addict. he laments and his perfidy is anguished. by the end, he doesn't even want to fight macduff; he's so tired. and even lady macbeth cannot overcome the guilt so commits the ultimate sin. the witches only talk and play and never directly dictate the action. it's like reading it for the first time again.

i am still reading don quixote: it's just really long, ok?


keane boys

for those that know them: keane are fucking massive in japan now. and ordinary boys are shooting skywards day by day. and i keep hearing jessica simpson sing angels by robbie williams. it is very annoying. she don't know what it means to her.


hols

booked my hols for the summer. going to okinawa for some sun, sea and sand. mr miyagi was from okinawa. i expect to see some very well waxed cars and painted fences.


films

watched shriek 2. it was great. puss in boots was probably the best character. obviously he IS don quixote.


new contract

i have also negotiated a new contract. when i say "negotiated" i mean "been given". i have signed it, so i will be on this crested isle for probably another year longer. there was no signing on bonus, nor percentage points. my agent wasn't even in the room.


heat

i read heat in hmv yesterday. WHO THE HELL ARE ALL THOSE PEOPLE? heat is full of fat, ugly people, showing off their flabby arms, lardy legs and double decker chins. i am losing touch with reality tv.


japanese

since i have been here a year i have decided to write a post in japanese.

hajimemashite. boko wa eigo no kiyoushi desu. ima, nagoya ni sunde imasu. eigurisu ni kimashta. nihon wa totemo kirei kuni da to imoimasu. nihon no tabemono ga dai suke desu. mai nichi taitei gohan o tabemasu. nihon nohouga eigurisu yori atsui desu. yoroshiku onegaishimau.

(word for word translation: i am meeting you for the first time. i am english teacher. now, nagoya i live. england come. japan is very beautiful country i think. japanese food very like. everyday usually rice eat. japan more england than hot. nice to meet you.)

i speak japanese like a 3 year old girl.


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i have bored you enough. go back to your happy lives.

the worst restaurant in japan

i had the unfortunate luck of going to the worst restaurant in japan a couple of weeks ago.  it was billed as a pasta restaurant.  it is in nagoya, between gokiso and fukiage. 

as pasta restaurants go, most japanese italian food would send most italians into a fusilli twirl.  italian food in japan is unique.  most people outside japan don't expect cod roe to top their pasta; nor rice cakes to top their pizza. 

at least that is inventive.  the pasta restaurant we went to had 3 things on the menu.  tuna and bacon spaghetti, bacon and mushroom spaghetti and tuna and mushroom spaghetti.  before i go on, i have to explain the decor.  it was a medium sized restaurant with a bar.  it could probably fit 25 customers in it.  the problem was, the tables weren't in use.  everyone had to sit at the bar.  this meant that while there were only 4 people in the restaurant, we had to wait 15 minutes in a near empty restaurant to wait to be seated.  also the place was dark, only about 3 light bulbs were being used. 

also, as a kind of joke, while we were waiting, he (the owner and sole staff member) gave us a magazine about pasta to show us how restaurants should look and how pasta should be prepared.  as our turn approached, we sat at the bar. 

first we were told to pay first.  then he served us ice coffee.  he put a small jug of corn syrup and milk in front of us.  then he took away the milk and corn syrup, without asking us, and put it back in the fridge.  then he cooked and served us bland tasteless pasta in watery flavourless sauce.  i would have preferred a can of baked beans in my pasta.  i ordered mushroom and tuna.  the tuna was from a can, and it looked like he only used on teaspoon of dried tuna flakes.  the mushrooms were hard and they were undercooked.  the sauce was like he mixed a tin of chopped tomatoes and cat's piss.  the chef/owner/waiter spent most of the time looking at the tv in the corner of the kitchen.  the baseball was on.

the seats were hard and wooden.  the naked lights glared at us.  the buzz of the tv surrounded everything.  if i could speak japanese, i'd ask him if he could really run a place like this and take it seriously.  i'd ask him if he can make a living and if people actually come back.  i'd also ask him to apologies to every customer he ever served his slop to.

 

what have i done
 
here are a few things
 
 
spa land
 
a few weeks ago, i went to nagashima spa land.  what images do these 2 words create?  for me it creates worlds of ocean pools and grassy landscapes, of wild deer and white doves flying free.  in fact it is a theme park in mie ken, about half an hours bus ride outside nagoya.
 
when i was young i used to love theme parks.  ive been to thorpe park, chessington, alton towers, disneyland la, universal studios la, the big shot and new york new york in las vegas and even rainbow's end in bognor.  nagashima spa land is a concrete plateau.  it has many new rides and many old rides; or many rides that look and feel old.  one of them was made of wood and it rocked and it went up and down and round and around.  it didnt rock like avril laviene rocks, it rocks like ramstein plugged into 15kg of hydrogen powered nuclear fusion.  i felt my brain smashing the side of my skull.  it was big and white, the wooden pole criss crossed each other like a solid spider web.  i also noticed that the cart was in no way attached to the rails.  i had to rely on physics to keep me alive.  i never failed physics; physics didnt fail me.  actually i did fail physics once, but they let me retake it.  thank god for the modular system.
 
 
swimming
 
i went swimming.  the pools in japan are warmer than the ones' in england.  it's a bit like swimming in piss; as someone put it.
 
 
films
 
i watched a load of movies.  i saw the day after tomorrow.  it was pretty good for the first 40 minutes, then everything stopped getting destroyed and it got a bit boring.  it could have had more action in it.  for example: how did the president die?  i also want to know how a paper fire can survive a massive drop in temperature that can freeze people alive.  a gust of wind can usually put those babies out.
 
i saw spiderman2.  i thought the first one was a bit shite; so i was pleasantly surprised with this one.  sam rami; you did good.  the action was much meatier and exciting, the drama was just as kitchen sink, but far more engaging.  everyone was great from the main players such as peter, MJ, doc oct down to aunt may and that rich kid with the blonde curly hair.  i do have one question though:  how does a ball of fusion energy that has the power to destroy half of new york city get "drowned" by a few gallons of water?  and surely, as every school boy knows, magnets work under water, so why did the magnetic field disappear after the mini sun fell into the hudson?  can anyone tell me?
 
the local video store; which is actually a chain all across japan called geos, had a special last week.  each video was 50p for a week.  i got easy rider, 12 angry men, dog day afternoon and kramer vs kramer.  i didnt see kramer vs kramer cos i didnt have enough time.  i loved the other 3 movies.  i thought easy rider would be a sad cliche by now.  ive seen enough student posters of jack smiling on peter's bike and know about the drugs and the ending, but it still amazed me.  it is a time piece and timeless.  peter fonda is a beautiful man.  dennis is what every other person should be like.  the soundtrack has 2 dylan songs on it.  beautiful man.  the other 2 movies were directed by the same person.  i didnt know that.  al dances all over dog day afternoon.  when he is talking to the cop, and only his fingers are in view, he eats up the screen with only his hand in view.  it is amazing to watch.  12 angry men was so good, it watched it twice in a row.  it is a lean, tough movie.  everything about it is sweaty, hard and real.  the part when everyone walks away from ed begly as he rants is welling.
 
 
books
 
i read think and grow rich by napoleon hill.  it is a philosophy on how to become rich or gain riches as he says.  like most philosophy; some of it is bunk, other parts are enlightening.
 
 
sumo
 
i went to the sumo basho in nagoya.  as every harry, dick and tom knows, sumo is were 2 fat guys get in the ring and try to push each other out.  the yokozuna is a 23 year old from mongolia called asashoryu.  watching sumo is a good laugh.  the atmosphere is fun and friendly between the bouts and drips with anticipation before it.  the wrestlers often face off 3 or 4 times before fighting.  they go to the middle; stare; cock a leg; go back to their corner, go to the middle; stare; cock a leg...
 
the sight of sumo is always a bit comical.  during the basho probably 50 fights are fought.  the bouts only last a few seconds, so the turnover is furious.  this of course keeps the excitement up and there is hardly ever a long drawn out scoreless draw.  these fighters crash and smash into each other.  another thing about watching so many fights is that you start respecting the wrestlers.  you see that they actually do have power and grace.  there is an art and poise to it.  it becomes less comical and more interesting. 
 
the day i went asachoryu lost his first bout after a 9 fight winning streak.  the crowd went wild and threw their cushions into the ring.  it was wonderful: the arena raining with purple pillows.